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Wednesday, October 28, 2015

thoughts ran wild

         She gets asked one annoying question every now and then; When are you getting a man. It hurts whenever that happens at funerals and family functions. Others think that it must be due to her sinful past or, sinful pasts of her ancestors. She agrees not with any of it. She knows that making it in the business world these days requires one to be fully focused on tasks at hand or she may find herself twiddling her thumbs at home--doing absolutely nothing.

        Lately, her life has been sour like an open wound. Every date left her wondering what wrong he may  have done to them. But again, she remembered how city guys likes an easy lay. They even like boiled eggs! She remembered with  a smile on her face whilst sipping straight from a beer bottle mouth. A trait which most likely, according to one of her closest friends, had to do with her being single.

        At first she was a happy man-eater who chowed men's meat and their purses alive. She left most of them in their wake.  And thought she would never be found out. It was not like she could not afford to spoil herself. It was just that, her money had to be kept safe for times when she got to have an accident. . Her closest friend told others and soon thereafter there was no more a secret or many of them. Three soon became a crowd and she hid herself behind books or beer bottles. It all depended on how she felt at any moment.

         She thought having a man sparingly was as safe as having money in her ballooning bank account. She hated her friends and spent time alone scouring internet dating sites. Spending money uselessly trying to fill the void burning her chest alive. 'Me man-eater?' she'd protest to her friends between beer sips when her life was exciting, when she had a man, when she drank no beer by herself.

        Forgotten, she started counting dates on her ringless, left index.  Counted dates of her haters on her fingers and realised how never loved in this she had been. She counted; 'January First, Valentines Day, Good Friday, August Ninth, September Twenty Fourth, December Sixteenth, December Twenty Fifth,my birth day December Twenty Eighth.'

      She was drunk, sitting on a bar-stool and staring at the barman-- afraid to ask him out on a date. She had been to the bar for four straight weeks and was slowly warming herself into the hearts of regulars. They had now found herself a new friend.

She had no other plan for the night and acted like she was passing out after she realised that the bar was nearing close. It was now her, the bar tender holding her tenderly to his car.

'Where do you stay miss?' he asks her in a husky voice for which she found romantic.
‘Two blocks from here,’ she replies.
The smell of her perfume  tilted his nostrils like Casino machine slots. And thoughts ran wild in his mind; ‘will she agree if I dared asked her some?’
‘So who are you with?’ he asks her.
‘I’m lone and I find it hard to eat,’ she replies.  Some days, like tonight, I pass out because I drink
my sorrows on an empty stomach, away.’
It’s a shame that in a big city like ours there are still unsatisfied, single women like you.’
‘People always judge the book by it’s cover and think that it’s due to I thinking highly of myself that
I end up being single.’
‘They don’t know what they’re talking about. Where’s your car?’
‘I don’t have any and came here by a taxi.’
‘Will you mind be taken out on a date?”
‘No, not exactly. When will that be?’
‘I’m not sure. I just think that a woman like you deserves to have more fun times than heartache moments. I can hear by the sound of your voice that you’ve seen worst days.’
‘Me, no, never. It’s just that I’m unable to cope when the night falls.’
‘I too am unable to. When the night falls I hide behind a bar counter and I wonder  how it would be like if I got to lose my job.’
“Don’t dwell too much on that. When’s  the date?”
‘Tomorrow morning at the club. Three ay am sharp!’
‘You must be out of your mind.’
‘Where else should a six days a week patron take his date out at?’
‘At a restaurant or a hotel not his place of work.’
‘I was starting out on your first week at our club.’
‘So you always had eyes on me?’
‘Yeah. I’ve just lost my girlfriend to a long sickness. We were a young couple hoping to
make our own family soon.’

‘I too would like to have a family of my own sooner rather than later. I’m not getting
any young and thinking of it, I’ve been travelling  wrong paths in this world. That’s why
whenever things gets harder, I find myself drinking myself to death.’

‘I’m glad that you’ve found your feet quicker than my ex. She died of alcohol related illness.
I see you as no replacement of a woman I’d ever been with and I hope that you see me
in that fashion too.’

‘Yes,  I do. I too am tired of having nothing to brag about to my exes.’

His eyes pop out.

‘I mean my girlfriends my love not my boyfriends.’

‘Uh, that’s what I wanted to hear. I’m tired of dating women who want quick fixings to their
emotional well-beings. ‘I’m  trying to forget how empty my ex left my soul. I love you.’

‘I was about to ask you just that. We women need insurance and you can’t just be with me
without telling me how you feel. I think it’s now time to go to my house.’

‘Yeah. Let’s go.’

He put a key into his truck’s ignition and off they went.

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

love handles

Bang Bang! A violent thrust on the door.

'Hold on,' she says. I'll be with you now.

She wraps a towel around her waist, expensive waist which she always get praised for, An hour glass waist called LOVE HANDLES in street terms. She reached for the door handle, sunk the key into a knob's keyhole and twisted it either direction and pulled the knob to open the door.

To her shock, his husband just wheezed past her without either pecking her on the neck, side of her face, forehead or whatever place imaginable. A hello would have calmed her nerves after all those cheating and gay rumours she had heared about her man from people she barely knew.

He went straight to the lounge unit, flapped its doors open and reached for a bottle of vodka.

'What's it my love?' she asks.

'Is it you who called my workplace and told my manager that I haven't been sleeping at home?'

'No. Why on earth would I do that?'

'He's been on my case the whole day and I think one of these days, he'll hear from one of my good lawyers.'

'Arg, come on, maybe a meeting with you both and your CEO will help both of you a great deal. Write to senior management and tell him how his behaviour is impacting on your production.'

'Thanks. That's the best advise I ever got from anyone including you for a very long time.'

He placed an empty glass on the coffee table and stood up.

'Don't you tell me that you won't be sleeping at home today too.'

'You see, just like I'd thought.......'

'Okay, I admit, it's I who told him that you aren't sleeping at home. Your parents too know what you've been up to all these years. If you dare walk out of that door, you should know that you and I are through. I've already packed my clothes up and am waiting for you to give me a hint to whether you're prepared to patch this marriage of ours up or are ready to go intertain another cheap slut who'll further drag our family name into the mud.'

'You know what my love......'


'I'm heading to the office to brainstorm ideas with my manager. Even if he could remind me about how I'm mistreating you, I don't care.'

To her surprise he slumps himself on the couch, picks up the glass he had been drinking with and tells her:; 'Love, do you mind going to the unit and filling this up?'

She smiles and replies; 'No. Not at all.'

He pulls up his phone from his shirt pocket, dials a number.

'Hello honey bunch,' so says a female voice by the other end of the phone line.

'Call me by my name.'

'Why? What happened?'

'I no longer need you in my life. Didn't I tell you when we first met that I'm a married man?'

'You did you cheat. I'm going to sue you for having had wasted my time and for having abused me financially and emotionally.'

'I didn't force you to. So you'll have to prove all of that in a court of law failing which I and my wife are going to sue you for dragging our good family name into muddy waters.'

He hangs up on her.

'Who's that and what does he want?' asks his wife.

'It's the woman who I don't love. Just because we shared drinks during our company's year end party, doesn't make her my girlfriend.'

'I think I know who she is. She drives a red cabriolet. I got a clue from the way she has changed from greeting me to looking at I like I'm something she just emitted. You know through what.....'

'Her rear.'

'Yeah, that's it. I'm glad that we're through the needless nightmare and all that I'm asking for is a night out with our friends to show haters that we're as strong as ever.'

'I like that. It'll happen sooner than you can say holiday. Now come over here.'

They snuggled and kissed. problems of yesterday forgotten quickly that night. A first night in thousands that she had to cry herself to sleep sipping alcohol--whatever she could at the time lay her beautiful hands on.

'Hello?' he replies.

'It's I again. The only thing that'll be enough to split you and I is death. I'll make sure that you and your wife don't have quality time together. One way or the other.'

'I'm not scared of either you or your lawyer. I owe any of you nothing now if you don't mind, my wife and I would love to make love.'

'I don't know I've bothered calling you. Sex is the only thing that you ever think of. No wonder the gay rumours. I'll be ashamed if I was a man your age and woman young and old still thought my bed sharing lack with other women besides my wife might be as a result of I betting for the other gender.'

He laughs then hangs up on her. He cannot believe that she could go as low as thinking that he is maybe a homosexual, just because he does not feel like bedding her anymore. But they do sting him as he asks his wife for some breathing space as he drinks one glass of vodka after the other.
‘What’s wrong my love?’ he shocked wife asks him.
‘It’s Lilian again and this time she has pushed me so hard and far that I think I’m left with no option but to sue her ass. ‘
‘What did she say to you?’
‘Says the only reason I’ve come back to our matrimonial home is due to scathing public’s gay rumour.’
‘Who does she think she is to talk rubbish about us?’
‘I don’t know just yet but, I regret every day I lied to you just to be with her.’
‘Don’t worry my love, I love you forever.’

Monday, September 8, 2014

all lovey dovey

'Can I have a sweet taste of your mouth?' she says.

No reply comes forth. She is getting frustrated.

'Can I have that sweet taste of your mouth?' she repeats.

'Eish!' he exclaims frustratingly.

He looks around and realises that he is not the only person in that convenience shop, let alone the only man.
He points his head towards the calling female body.

She does not know what to do next. She does not know if his pointing of head her direction is a yes or a no.

She plucks courage and asks him: 'Are you scared?'

He smiles and reply: 'My lips are cracked and dry. You wont stand them. Unless....'

'Unless what?' she thrusts into his mid-sentence.

He cackles.

'I'd like to be with you for the rest of my life,' she continues. I've never come accross a man like you in my life.'

'I've heared all that before and, women have left me broken both spiritually and financially,' he replies. I hope you know what love is all about and, what you want to get yourself into.'

'I'd like to carry your child. Don't tell me you're so hurt that,
 you've become afraid to share a bed with a woman.'

'You're so adulterous in speech. Only a sick man could avoid answering your questions. I've never heared such truth in my life. I feel like running.'

'Run, coward. Be like most men who run away from their manly responsibilities.'

'I'm not many men. I just am not used to talking openly like this.'

'I've told you before and I'm going to tell you again; I've never met a man who could make me whole like you. Do you have a girlfriend?'

'What's the reason behind that question?'

'A love proposition.'

'Love proposition?'


'Methinks you're trying to say that I'm gay.'

'Picture this; If you and I become one,we'd be one step ahead than couples with neglected babies.'

'Here are my phone numbers call me after three, tomorrow. By then, I'd have given your love proposal some thought.'

'Thanks, Seth.'

'Don't thank me, I'm the one who should be thanking you because, besides I being surprised by how things panned out for me at this shop today, at least I've found love.'

He leaves the shop still looking at her. Nearly hits a revolving door still looking at her.

She is looking back at him too.

Not 'til a finger nudges him on the shoulder and a deep voice says to her;
'You, come to my office, now!'

'Okay,' she replies taking off rubber gloves from her fingers.

After she enters her managers office, he tells her to sit down on a chair opposite his desk.

'Lee, do you really knows company policy?' he asks her.

'Of course I do, Jones,' she replies. For over a decade I've never seen any of it being adhered to by either,
Patience, you, I or any of our petrol attendants. At times I've caught you laughing while some of my male colleagues touched my rear, now what company policy are you talking about?'

'I'm sorry. I should've said privacy instead of policy. Customers shouldn't get the idea that they could talk about either of us about sex, you know?'

'I know. What I told that man, comes straight from my heart.'

'What about our own fears as your colleague that getting too cosy with customers may cause jilted lovers to come rob our store?'

'I haven't given a thought much to all of that but,
 where then could any of us find love?'

'In the streets after work.'

'I love that man. For him I've broken company policy but, I believe that you've your work cut out,
 if you don't get deep into our workplace's harassment policy. I've also come accross you touching some of our seniors inappropriately. I admit I'm wrong. So should you.'

'You know what,'


'You're fired. After this day, you should never ever set you foot in here ever again.
 And don't expect this company to pay you any cent. Do you here me?'

She angrily walks out of his office. Takes out a cigarette and a lighter from one of her pockets and
 lights it in full view of startled customers.

Her colleague is as surprised as her colleagues.

Seth's phone rings incessantly. He is in a taxi back home.

It must be her, he thoughtfully says.

He pulls it from its pouch and says; 'Hello?'

'Im sorry to inconvenience you at this time,' she replies. I know the time and day I'm supposed to call you. Something painful has happened, I've been fired for showering you with my love and my affection. Please come over here now if you could because that maybe, may well save me my job.'

'Hold on, because I'll be that in no time.'

'Thanks, my love.'

Jones mops the floor himself.

'What's going on?' Patience asks him.

'I've fired that stubborn colleague of us. I warn her to stop making friends with customers she tells me about how what she told the male customer comes from deep within her heart. She refuse to retract her statement and talks about things we do when we're happy. Touching our colleagues. Are you afraid of touching too?'

'No. it depends what type of touching it is. Rehire her before she lets out all our secrets. I'm afraid we'd walk naked on the streets.'

'What do you mean?'

'Without any dignity, whatsoever. If you go on and punish her, you'll also going to lose your job. The case she may open, may find itself all over the news because such things as workplace physical harassment cases are very few if not very far in between.'

He wipes sweat off his forehead and dips the mop harshly into a bucket and angrily walks back into his office.

Seth duly arrives. Gets off the taxi and looks like a man who is ready to fight for his country. Like all soldiers should, you know.

'Where's he?' he barks at her.

'At his office upstairs,' she replies.


He grabs her hand.

'Do you know where it is?' she asks him.

'No,' he replies. Where's it?'

' Come, I'll show you.'

She says all that him still holding her hand tight.

In less than ten minutes later, they emerge all lovey-dovey. Even kissing again before a stunned Patience, and a smiling Jones.

Just like he was told; he likes smiling when bad things happen. But is openly declaring love for someone a crime?

Friday, May 2, 2014

colours of the rainbow

'Who was it?' Desiree asks Carlos moving her palm on his chest.

'Alice,' he replies.

'What did she say?'

'She said Bower wants to mess up our already tithering lives. He sent an article and supporting photos of Charmaine pecking Mark, of her then giving Bill an open-mouth kiss. In the evening just after he had done scene-shootings for a day, at a parking lot.'

'What else did she tell you?'

'She advised me to stop calling her Miss Mcnott but, Alice.'

'That's out of the question. That's not a point I'm looking for. Calling her whatever name she thinks is appropriate doesn't stop her from reconsidering the article in question and publish it whenever she has run out of more scandalous stories to publish about we public figures. I've got a good mind of hitting the road to her office right now.'

'That would be unwise. I think you're a little bit harsh. You're yet to hear the rest of what I've to say. Now listen; from what she told me, there'll be no need for us to fear anything.'

'We've just become an item. Anything negative may wholly bring us to our knees. We've a baby on the way, a house and cars to pay off. I hope you know what you're getting yourself into by believing her every word.'

'Bower is nothing. Remember the meeting we just had at Sunday Press's office?'


'We've teamed up with them. I believe it wasn't just about eating with them. The projects they're planning to use us on are real organisation names. You could go online if you're doubtful.'

'I've done so the very day that I've left their office. It's just that those people change colours. A rainbow is better because a couple of seconds or minutes after the rain it appears, disappears only to appear at some area after rainfall, then disappear again.'

'We're the colours of the rainbow. You needn't fear them gray scales.'

'You call them that?'

'Yes. They tend to make us darker in deeds as if they themselves don't have anything to hide. Let's trust Alice on this one.'

Yes, let's try.'


learn from us

'Does running away from the infatuated not tire you?' Tanya asks Mark.

'I'm new to this field,' he replies. Therefore any fan coming my way doesn't scare me. The other thing is; they're human just like me.'

'Of course, we're.'

'Even when I feel tired, I still try to make some time to talk to them. After all, we're who we're because of them.'

'You're on point today, hey?'

'Maybe I've talking rubbish during the holidays but, they were well-spent. With you around nothing can depress me. You're a soothing kind of a fellow who deserves praise every day of her life. Getting paid by cheques, though different from being paid through commission, annoys me.'

'What else annoys you?'


'That should be fun. You're boring when it comes to that. You must improve. Do you know Bower?'

'Talk about the devil!'

'Do you hate him?'

'Yes. People of his kind deserves to be hated at any given chance. How many lives has he destroyed? How many more he is still keen to destroy?'

'I'm not sure about the statistics but, many many more. So long as he doesn't find himself another job which he'll be in the public eye but, with less beings to rubbish in order for him to get paid.I love travelling and I'm puzzled that you let a former travel writer determine your likes and dislikes. I don't know you as an indoor person. People who tour are full of verve. They meet a lot of interesting people and learn how to live life better from them.'

'I get recognised everywhere. Maybe it has to do with my part time sales job. On set, I hate it when I have to re-do a scene. Don't these producers know that we've a life apart from the impersonations that we get paid for?'

'They know. It's just that we do things non verbally much better than a person on the street would.'

'Then do we really have to endure periods of frustrations? Not knowing where we'd get our next meal from because there isn't enough money in their coffers to fund their next project?'

'It's your problem that you're love serials. I go to soapy auditions only. They're now used to me. I could be number one hundred on the queue, they'll call my name.Getting hot under the caller will only make you poor, Mark. Learn from us.'

'I don't want to sound sexist but, the truth is; city life is more kind to women than it is to us men.'

'You sound like Bill. Before he pops up from nowhere like he's Jack in the Box, leave.'

'The next episode will be our last. Where would I get money to pay the rent from?'

Tanya shrugs.

Wednesday, April 23, 2014



'It's Alice here,' Alice McNott says. The infamous Miss Alice McNott.'

'A chill runs down my spine as I hear the sound of your voice,' replies Carlos.

'I've got some bad news for you, sir.'

'Leave sir to the nerds andcall me Carlos.'

'At your service.'

'So you say you got bad news for me.'

'Yes, but, not so bad for a woman in control of the situation like me.'

'Please get to the bottom of that.'



'Are you listening?'


'You sound somewhat uninterested in what I'm about to tell you. Is there something that you're trying to hide from me?'

'No, Alice.'

'Good. Now listen to what I'm about to tell you.'

'I'm listening.'

'There's this journo who works under me. He just sent an article slaying a dozen of inner city actors and didn't spare you his whip. Just by going through it, tears trickled down my face, messing my make up. There's a shot of you outside Tanya's home stone drunk.Then of Charmaine kissing Desiree's ex. What's his name again?'


'Yes, Mark. And you and Desiree have got something going on right now, hey?'


'Right. Bill's with Tanya for now, hey?'


'That makes Mark a thief or Tanya a nymphomaniac in some way or another. Maybe that's according to my analogy. I may be wrong. I'm sorry if that hurts but, I had to let you know about the love angles including you, which may be detrimental to your career at large. At large; means not only your but, your friends included.'

Desiree hands him a glass of bubbly.

'Thank you!'

'Dont' cut me off, Carlos. This isn't the end of the story just yet.'

'Not yet, Alice. I was receiving a glass of bubbly from my beloved, soon to be wedded, angel of mine, Desiree. She deserves a crown because she sticks with me through thick and thin.'

'The thought of firing Bower had crossed my mind until I gave his way of doing things a thought. He has never disappointed me for some time. He is only human and will surely get over the thinking of pursuing people I haven't asked him to. He having had wasted his own resources I believe, is punishment enough.'

'We know him that way.'

'His crap creeped in an hour after our end of the year office party. I'm way too tired for his **s. I read the article in patches but, it surely reads like a movie script to those not in the know. Had I not been here, maybe one of my cleaners could've had a fun day of her life reading it.'

'You're an editor Alice. You decide what's wright or wrong for your press. If  I'm to be a front page canditate so be it. For now all I need to hear are seductive whispers of my sidekick.And not forgetting the sweet taste of her lips.She too seems worn out by too much limelight that she somewhat feel safe under my wing.'

'Don't worry yourself to death. Remember; you're now part of us. Those haters who are used to seeing you front page for all the wrong reason will see more of you for all wright reasons. Be sure that this year will be the best ever for you.'

'Before you go, kindly send me a copy of Bower's mad article.

He bursts into a fete of laughter.

Desiree laughs too.

So does Alice.


Here we go again, Sunday Press editor, Miss Alice McNott thoughtfully says.

Irritated by an article she has just received through an e-mail, she angrily punches numbers on her office phone.

'Just what I was hoping for,' Bower says by the other end of the line. How may I help you Miss McNott?'

'Call me Alice,' she replies. Everybody has gone home to their respective families, relatives and friend. There you're in a suburb alone. What's it that you would like me to do with this article?'

'I would like you to publish that earnestly.'



'How could you bring your stature as a good reporter down to this effect?'

'I don't understand ma'am. Kindly elaborate.'

'Your article is in very bad taste. Don't you know that those people are going to work for us in due course?'

'I know but the truth shall set each and everyone of us at Sunday Press free. You always taught us the truth.'

'Not controversy!'

'I sent that copy for you to publish in next Sunday's edition. Maybe City Times could benefit from it too.'

'I've asked my assistants not to touch it. I didn't hand any of you a task or project since we're on holidays. You're single and could do with some girl. We've made peace with actors for this year at least. Only those
who disrespects will get to feel my wrath. It's not wise to further destroy a person who is trying his best to change his life. That, I mean Tanya, got kicked out of two soapies in one season. Think about what tailing her may do to her career.'

'I know but, a little bit of exposure wont do any of them harm. It would however, raise their soapies' rates.'

'I hear your line of argument but, don't you think that's a bit unprofessional?'

'Unprofessional, me unprofessional?'

'I'm talking to you. Do you know what does unprofessional mean?'

'Yes. The opposite of professional.'

'Don't answer me like you would a girl from the bundus. I'm your boss dammit!'

'Unprofessional is doing things out of anger instead of logical reasoning.'


'Is that a signal or the end of my research efforts?'

'Are you short of festive conquests?'


'We're all popping champagnes all over the place. There you're by yourself thinking about ways to make a quick buck. You've made no research. You were present during that meeting with the actors. Why then should you turn around and try that you'd get the go ahead to tarnish their good names?'

'I can feel your anger within these wires. I'm getting sunburnt in this corner that I'm sitting in. The truth is, I don't trust city girls for now. I'm alone at this uptown eatery. My work has been done through wi-fi. I paid a fortune to them to get the article off the ground. I know that you'll give me more projects to do. To answer your earlier question; I'm indeed in need of some cash injection.'

'Enjoy your holidays. If something comes up besides actors misbehaving, call me.'

'I will ma'am.'