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Monday, December 9, 2013

free lessons

Sigh-i-lent night, sings Desiree. Ho-oly night, mother and child. Sleep in heavenly pea eace, sleep in heavenly peace.

'Well, Carlos says. You're a singer of devine distinction. Consider me your Father Christmas but, remember one thing; kids seat on his lap. You'll always be my baby. I hope you don't mind me calling you baby.'

'Not at all,' she replies.

She goes to him, puts her arms around his neck and; sits down on his lap.Gives him a kiss of his life.

He pulls his mouth from hers,swallows a bit of her saliva and say; 'That was helluva kiss.'

She gets off his lap and replies: 'I'm as out of breath as you. It's just that your sweet cherry lips are too sweet to let go off. I love nibling things resembling a taste of chocolate. I love it when a man is especially mouth clean. No one wants to swallow yesterday's food out of someone's mouth.'

'That was Guiness World Book type of a record.'

'We just been to the mall. I had thought we'd bump into someone we know but, that hasn't been the case.'

'I love ordinary people. I think being a C grade star gives me more peace than the most sort after performers because I've more time to fool around with you.'

'Don't fool yourself loverboy. You'll soon feel the pressure of being an A lister star.'

'Why when they are so much reverred get scolded over minitial things like eating a meal at a cafe?'

'It's because people look up to them. We can't have people we view as role models cut their hair or fine tune it at an unknown, cheap barber. That's a new low. If you're with us, you must act the part. We don't want palookas.'

'I only do four shoots a day. That's boring. What am I supposed to do with the rest of my time?'

'Study. Go to the library and do some research. You can't be an airheaded tv star. You must also pay attention to theatre because when you're out of tv, you must still do something to keep our home fires burning. We don't want a situation where either or both of us are out of work but, get more bill letters than ordinary Joes who are till waiting for High Court case to declare someone liable for their poverty state.'

'I don't think I'd be able to be natural. In theatre people are watching you closely. There's no script editing or shooting. How would I be able to keep up?'

'Everything in this world today is live. The tweets you post online reflect more about you to others than you think. Every week if not day, we sell our souls online. I know what I say isn't good for marketing. I better say these things to you than to a journalist. Anyway, those people are only doing their jobs. without they writing good about us, we'll be doomed.'

'But they still unsettle me.'

'All you have to do is to behave yourself.'

'I've given you free lessons on how to be a star, now listen to me clearly. I would like us to invite every of our friends or enemies to come eat new year lunch with us. That include your sworn, worst enemy, Mark.'

'Are you nuts?'

'I wish we were. It wouldn't hurt spending time in a loony house watching looney tunes with people you love.'

'Suit yourself.'

He stands up from their Christmas eve dinner table and walks away to the balcony.

The festive spirit has gotten inside of him, she thoughtfully says as she picks a sparkling glass of pure wine.

Wednesday, December 4, 2013


'So you think you truly living the life?' Charmaine asks Mark.

           'I always do,'he replies. 'Sometimes people envy us from the distance. And murmur about tangible things. The environment makes me who I be.'

'Go on.'

          'I was a choirboy since I was a teenager. Girls moms and their pops put a lot of strain on me. My relationships never lasted longer enough. The very same people started branding me a player. Forgetting they're the ones who made me. I hate this pin up tag they've placed upon me.'

           'So you rather fake poverty than let them dictate to you how to live your life?'

            'I fake not anything. Not many a woman these days gets an opportunity to chat with me. You're lucky because you're in a circle of winners. When we shine we say; there are no squares in a circle of winners.'

'I just managed to create one in celebrity circles. Here I'm talking to a very much underrated tv star.'

          'In this community of us, no one does business with strangers. One false move, you're out. Don't even take reviews seriously. Individuals who does them just want to be us that's all. There's is no money in their line of work. They say Mark is a bad actor and the wet behind the ears hop at the back of their bandwagons.'


'Skin colour doesn't matter. We don't skim people ala credit cards. We just follow our hearts's desires.'

'True.What's your idea of heaven?'

'Come on. Is this a date?'

'Answer my question.'

'My idea of heaven is any man who isn't afraid to cross boundaries.'

           'I love a man who respects boundaries. My husband left me a couple of months back. He was jealous I ceased becoming a housewife but, a celebrity driver. He started to call me names and checked my phone calls. Mens contacts send a shiver down his spine. Bill and Tanya don't want to answer stupid questions so they're constantly chasing armatures out of their yard.'

'What do you say when all of that is happening?'

'I keep quiet.'

'Why are you still in the power circle?'

 'They say when you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. I'm tired of wearing an apron but, this is the life I chose.'

'Who are you dating?'

'I'm just too cocky to let anyone inside my heart now.'

Tuesday, November 19, 2013


ALL THE WAY 4                                                                                                      SUCKER

Sucker! Tanya speaks loudly to startle Bill.

'What?' he replies.

'Okay. I Finally got you to talk. Desiree thinks she's clever than any of us. Did you see that pink cab that tailed us from the theatre to home?'


'I think It was her and Carlos.'

'It wasn't she but, he.'

'Why didn't you tell me?'

'I'm tired of sleeping alone.'

'You gave my enemy an upper hand. She now has him wrapped between her wolfy fingers. Not so long ago, she stole my beloved target Mark. Lied to him she was pregnant in order to keep me at bay. Her plan failed as he got a bursary to go study overseas. To this day, I don't know which lucky charm she's using to keep men reaching out to her. Whoever is helping her, she's paying him or her quiet well.'


'Stop joking. This is very serious. We then challenged each other to lay our hands on an award winning travel writer and she almost won. If I hadn't followed my instincts, he will be eating off her palms right now. The dude is now angry with us and make sure scribes write rubbish about us every week. Only If I hadn't caught her quickly pulling her top back to her waist, her two centrimetres dress back to its measured length.'

'Weren't they doing four play?'

'No. Nothing happened. You should have seen their glistening eyes. They sparkled like Northern stars tailed by holy sheperds to go shower the family of you know who with presents. The roar of my engine only meant I was going to a convenience store to buy ourselves some more beers.'

'Why didn't you let them be human?'

'I had forgot my lighter, dammit!'

'I doubt that.'

'This is my house and I do whatever I want to, anytime I want to. That's why it was easy for I last night to leave the upstart at a cinema's parking lot and gave you cake. Bower has been investigated for plagiarism by the media fraternity but, nothing happened. He has since been hired by Daily Times, Sunday Press's daily sister to run a weekly column. I haven't read something fresh out of it, only reviews from other peoples work but, as always, the world reckon he's the best thing since sliced bread.'

'One lucky bastard!'

'I miss Carlos Hernandez.'

'I'm here. Don't beef up now.'

'You're here but like the O'Jays song, your mind is on the other side of town.'

'I get the picture and I'll respond to it in due course.'

Monday, November 18, 2013


ALL THE WAY 3                                                                                                       WHAT?

'Why haven't you been answering your phone?' Desiree asks a bemused Carlos.

'I saw a blue light brigade,' he replies. And thought to myself, what's the easiest way in this town to avoid being, robbed, kicked or at worst, mistaken for thug and shot at.'

'What a nasty way to avoid a straight forward question.'

She pushes him to the side and casually slumps her tired self on his couch. Fix her eyes on a blank tv-screen.

Having sold his soul to the Sunday Press, he had no more good life stories to tell about their life together. Like he lied to her at the cinema. He knew if he opened his mouth anytime soon, worms would spill out from his mouth like it was a can.Like the saying. He was right. People in the media bear grudges. They want almost every situation to go their way. He flips the curtain, smiles at the expensive car neatly parked on his driveway. His outside-door lights, streetlights, passing vehicles lights, beams on its immaculate frame.

She desperately wants him to say something but, he keeps his eyes glued on the malt beer bottle he is sipping on.

Irate, she hops off his couch, heads his way. Slaps him hard on one side of his cheek. The beer bottle drops violently and thuds on the hard surface. He touches, it painfully while watching her helping herself out of his lounge's door.

He goes to the fridge, opens it, fishes out another beer bottle, same ingredients, same alcohol volume and slumps his frustrated self on a couch. Flips the curtains again, there she is idly sitting on her vehicle's seat, measuring the steering wheel.

At least she isn't drinking and driving, he thoughtfully says.

Animated, he courageously walks towards her, knocks on her car's side of the window.

She opens the windows and yawn.

'Look,' he says.'I didn't mean to two time you. We both know Tanya wont like this.'

She cackles.

'Who will tell her?' she continues.

'These streets have eyes. Walls have ears.'

'You look worried today.'

'I thought I'd sleep alone tonight.'

'Me too.'



'If I had to be charged for committing a crime. It'd be for stealing your heart.'

'Tanya is doing Bill as we speak.'


sullen looks

 ALL THE WAY 2                                                                                      SULLEN LOOKS

A car screeches before Tanya's doorstep. She is frothing at the mouth--especially after what happened to hers and her date at the epic romance movie premiere. The other thing on her mind are hyena tail burning thugs who may pick you up asleep as the tail's smell lulls into a deep sleep, not forgetting the drunk drivers who hit community walls at high speed.

Desiree hops off her vehicle and quips;' Do you know why I love you so much?'

Tanya barely believes the figurine before her is this dude whom she has been friend of almost a quarter of her life.

'No!' she replies.

'I was busy making new bookings for four for upcoming weekend. Then, boom! Like magic, I see Carlos idling alone on the parking lot. Like a caring mother, I wonder where parents of this beautiful, lost boy are. I think about snapping my finger and calling him to my car.'

'You're a thug and a liar. I shouldn't have listened to any word you said. As we speak now, I know there are no movie tickets, no bookings, nothing. If you want him, you could have him. If he was honest with me, he could've waited for us to go fetch him at his doorstep.'

'No stress on my part. You have plenty to worry about. Especially when I heared Bill happily moaning over your handset.'

'It's on, babes?'


'Men war. I'm sharpening my claws. Any man you get, I'll lure him to my bed. I wont give a damn about his past. It's on!'

'What on earth have you become?'

'A nun.'

Irritated, Desiree hops back on her car's seat and slams the door shut. Her actions startles onlookers and passersby. Arrives at Carlos's house who, judging by his sullen looks, is not expecting her there.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

all the way

When they voluntarily go outside, almost everyone has got their eyes locked on them--expecting them to slug it out.

'Girl,' says Tanya. I thought you were a nun. What's up with your hands all over my hubby to be?'

'I didn't poach him,' Desiree replies. He found me queueing outside and decided right there on the spot, that he would like to accompany me. This means he cancelled my Be eF eFs date to spend some time with me. I never knew you were around town, therefore, I thought borrowing him from the gods for a sec couldn't be such a bad idea.'

'Not such a bad idea?'

'Yes. Your friends are mine and mine are yours. I'm the one who always remind you about keeping boundaries. Have you already forgotten where you and I are coming from?'

'No.You see,as you're very close friend I thought since you knew he was mine, you'd give me a courtesy call and tell me your man is right here beside me.'

'I'm sorry.'

' I love Carlos and you know that.'

'I've been observing your lover for a while. One thing I've noticed is that he isn't in it for the love of you or any of us for that matter but, for what our glitzy industry could offer him. Do you think I'm bluffing?'


'Just look at how many gigs he got for himself the past couple of months while we got only two each. It seems he capitalises on the fact that, he's a drama student and people aren't clued up on whether he's for real or is just acting things out.'

'If is that so, publications would be all over us this week. Tomorrow is a Sunday. Expect our mini cinema drama on first pages.'

Desiree fishes her cellphone out of her denim pocket and says; ' We're thirty minutes behind the movie schedule. Let's go in.'

They swiftly walk in and seat side by side next to their dates. There's neither kissing nor touching because they are just as confused as their dates.

The movie ends. Everyone still does not know what to do.

Bill tells Carlos  he is nothing but his girlfriends chauffeur, who runs straight to her vehicle and locks herself in when she anticipatingly watch them chatting. She is pensive and expects them to exchange blows but none of that is happening as they go their separate ways. Her girlfriend forever is hiding somewhere within the vicininty.

She and her date finally arrive at home. A call flashes accross her cellphone screen. It is he Be eF eF.

'Hello?' she answers.

'Am I interrupting something over there?'

'Yes. Bill wants to have a time of his life or isn't it, love?'


Carlos is disgusted and ignores any incoming call, any Blackberry Messenger message on his cellphone's inbox. He had followed what he now calls his ex in thought, all the way to her house in a metered taxi. Painfully observed when a chauffeur looked more like Tanya's one night stand. They were all over each other like a bad rash. He shed a tear and a half, called her name out, got ignored.

Unimpressed, he called a Sunday newspaper and asked her to make his misfortune a front page sensation. He could not stomach the fact that, a seemingly, not so glamourous dude, had stolen his guiding light right under his nose under false pretence and, will most likely, lie next to her, on a bed he got accustomed to.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013


What else should one be in love for? I, like most people is on the hunt for that special somebody. I would be lying through my teeth if I fall into a trap of thinking my life is complete. In trying to fit in with the who's who, I started belittling every other human being. I forgot one thing, we were all born with the same qualities which we drop like a hot potato as life gets harder for us. I love my girls so much that gay rumours to I, have become nothing but a smoke-screen. Before you start getting irritated about the fact that, you aren't sure of what I'm harping on about, I used to date a lot of partners but, not most of them makes me so complete like Dominic.

Shoosh! Here he comes and I believe we dont want to give him a wrong impression about our overall behaviour.

Hi loverboy, where on this earth have you been hiding?

"Did you miss me?'

Yes, yes, yes,yes! I shudder to think what I would become in life. Forget about the law of detachment crap the learned talk about and give me a kiss.

Seconds later.

"I've never felt like this before,'' he continues. "My mother who'd have none of this. Excuse me, she doesn't believe you should be given our surname to wear above your head.You're my tiara, I mind not you resting above or inside my head to make me crazy. Do I sound crazy?''

No. Not any of us does. That includes your mom, he-he!

I wish I could keep him before me for quiet a bit longer. There he goes. He gave me a peck on a cheek. Did you see that? I know you did. I sometimes feel like I have to check your concentration levels to find out if you really dig me or all that you're interested in is; hear me tell the world how wonderful you all are. A person who came up with a hairpiece idea thrills me but, not like the inventor who came up with a plated head concept. I hope both of them have patented their ideas before; we rock them on. I rock ideas, period.

His cologne makes my eyes melt a bit. What would I tell Genevive. She and I are like a nail to a finger, a sourcer to a cup, saliva to a tongue. Need I say more? Damn I am beginning to sound more of a drama queen, more of a queer but, hopefully, still romantic. I like my girl's head structure. It is like mine; ostrich-like.She used to say to I; "we're like machines, let's have fun for tomorrow we die."

Indeed! She is dying a slow, lonely, death. I tipped her not to leave Elliot for another man; Anderson. Why can't we stop being stubborn in love for a change? I ask her the same questions over and over again. Then I catch her on my hubby to be's chest on my way from work. Outside, the rain is drizzling, birds are chirping, men are whistling at stunners trying to use their melodic tones to greater effect and I, regret the day I introduced her to him. I don't know where she gets an idea from that we share everything including body fluids. Kisses I hand her whenever I see her has surely given her a wrong idea. Like when we were drunk and frech-kissed in full view of party people. Her mouth is so sweet if I didn't care what the community say, I would have opted for her over Dominic's teary cologne. Both of them should get their heads right if they would like to roll with me forever.

I go to his home to renegotiate he coming to sinfully, live with I for a while. His mother is teary eyed. I lie to her.

Its I Genevive, open the door for me.

"I've heared all of that hogwash before,' she replies. "You're homo Juliana. Get out of my front door and yard now or I'll call the cops on you.''

Gee! I step on my tippy toes and lay on her front lawn  instead. I was here when they manicured this trash. It is so lush and perfect that reading a chicklit wouldn't be a problem. I slide my self under the humungous garden umbrella and echo to myself; home sweet, home.

Not long. A car revvrs alongside house number two oh eight. Its him. I got to hide. What for? Damn! I am a woman not a girl. I rummage my shoulder bag. My lips are now oiled. Purrrfecccct.

He sees me. Shrugs his shoulders. It is all clear; she tearfully called him and complained about the trick again. Shocked? There is no need to. That is how she calls me over and over again. I have heared it all before. Go wash your dirty mouth. I never reply to her words, her disliking of me, never. I have her son wrapped on my middle finger. Our big day is around the corner. My best friend has disappeared since my lover and I french kissed before her and curious onlookers at her thirty first birthday party, at her late grandfather's front porch. I kiss her all the time, almost every day. See, more than my man.

I apologise to his mother for lying.

Sheds a tear.

I give here the elusive hug. I thank her, after a brief chat over tea and cup cakes for allowing me to be her son's guide in love. She is suspicious of my intentions though, of stealing her son before our big day. I am a human being and can't avoid getting it on even if it means carvorting for a while before I get to say my vows before all of you my honourable people.

My father and I walk hand in hand. The sky is blue, the sun is shining, the Cathedral Church is bursting at its seems. I feel butterflies taking off within me. i wonder if I should choke on these tears. I would mess my make up. I take a deep breath, smile a little. There I see Genevive. She is the bravest girl I have every crossed paths with. If it was her, I wouldn't subject myself to such a shame. Losing a man to my best friend at my thirty first party and still feel obliged to give them my blessings. He puts a ring on it. I wink at my lady, G.

I hope he doesn't mind to occassionaly share her with me. If you know what that means.